Thursday, November 24, 2005

 

Soft Core is Hard Core Dull

Do you remember twenty years ago when "cable television" was the hot new thing? In those days you didn't sign-up to cable for better reception (did you really get better reception?), nor for the all-news networks (there was only CNN, and we all thought that was a pretty dumb idea, who's going to watch news at three o'clock in the morning?), nor for the shopping channels (they were boring then -- and still are.) You might have gotten cable installed to watch MTV (I'll always remember talking to a friend on the phone late one night. She was also watching MTV at the same time while we chatted, and suddenly the video of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go came on. Neither of us had seen it before, and the conversation went completely silent as both of us, fifty miles apart, stared in stark horror at our respective television screens. When the video ended, we both exhaled, and at exactly the same moment said, "What the fuck was that?" Talk about pornography!)

The primary reason folks signed up for cable was to subscribe to Cinamax and HBO. Now in those days, HBO didn't produce their own cool series' like Sex in the City and The Sopranos. Like Cinamax, HBO just showed movies and only movies, and you came to realize fairly quickly that you really didn't need to see Norma Rae or Police Academy six to nine times over a week. Sure it was fun to have these movies piped into your home, but we quickly discovered how much more convenient renting films and using the VCR is.

But we didn't unsubscribe from the Premium Movie Channels for one very good reason. Late at night they would show soft core sex flicks. Some were pretty tame, today they might even be rated PG-13. Others were produced for the sole purpose of being shown on cable in the middle of the night. And a few were hard core porn, but with any shots of dicks or penetration edited out. Sanitized for your protection, I guess.

I was twenty or twenty-one at the time, and at first I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Here, it seemed, was porn in an endless amount (at least until about 5 AM), and I could sit there in my own livingroom and jack-off to my heart's content. I didn't have to rent porn tapes from the corner mini-mart, enduring the clerk giving me the fish-eye because he (or more likely, she) knew exactly what I was going to do while watching it. No, the sex was right there, nightly on my TV, with no middle-man.

Needless to say, even for a horny twenty-year-old it didn't take long to realize something essential was missing. There was no cock, no cunt, no fucking -- I started to wonder if the performers were really having sex or just acting. I mean, part of the reason I found (and find) porn so hot is the knowledge they're really doing it. And maybe they were, but there was no proof, no evidence (certainly no cum-shot.) Humphrey Bogart once said acting is like sex ... If you're talking about it, you're not doing it. It seemed to me these movies were packed with performers neither acting nor fucking.

I've been thinking about soft core films again because of my recent ruminations about the Boys Gone Wild series. I know it seems as if I should love soft core films, for the simple reason I'm enthralled with plots and the events leading up to the sex. But don't get me wrong -- I still like watching the sex! The problem I have with soft core movies is they don't function as anything you expect from a movie. They aren't cinema (The production, plots, acting, and direction aren't strong enough to maintain artistic intention), and they aren't porn (You don't see anything more than you would in an R rated film). So, the viewer becomes frustrated with the film both artistically and carnally.

I have to wonder what the soft core producer's intention is. We can't jack-off to them, and they certainly don't illuminate the human condition. I guess the intention is to introduce sex to kids that can't get porn any other way, and to frustrate those of us who really enjoy watching people fuck. I'll take a pass on soft core in the future.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

 

Guys Gone Wild Redux

After my diatribe a few days ago about how dull I found the Guys Gone Wild DVDs, I was surprised to read an article detailing this very subject in the newest addition of Unzipped Magazine. Apparently I wasn't alone in finding the series boring, or alone in complaining, since the producers have made some changes.

In three new titles -- Dude, Where's My Pants?, Heat Stroke, and The Big Easy -- the hunky guys finally go further, that is, some of them actually get hard-ons and jack-off. Now I haven't seen these films myself, so I don't know if they jack-off to orgasm, but at least they get turned on and play with it. That's a big improvement.

Have any of you seen the new, harder DVDs? I'd love to hear your opinion, and if you think its actually possible to stroke to them. I'm more than willing to give Guys Gone Wild a second chance.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

 

Seattle's Big Apple (Theatre)

Do any honest-to-God, sit-down Theatres still exist that show old 35mm prints of classic porn movies? I don't know of any, but I hope there are still some around. The last one I've heard of closed about six years ago. The Apple Theatre was in Seattle on lower Capital Hill's Boran street, just east of Interstate 5. The building was certainly never one of the great Hollywood Show Palaces, but was constructed (I'm guessing in the 40s) as a small square cement building. The auditorium had maybe 12 rows with an aisle running down the center, and if there were 150 seats I'd be shocked.

By the time I began to patronize The Apple in the late 1980s it was somewhat run-down. Run-down isn't even the right word -- I think "a very cluttered septic-tank" might be closer to the real description. Because the theatre was open 24/7, there was never any time to perform maintenance on the seats or screen, paint the interior, or even clean the place. Sure, when you walked in you always caught a faint whiff of PineSol, but I could never quite figure out where they'd been using it. And let's be honest, we all know what went on in this large, darkened room, with people enjoying sex on the big screen (not to mention in the audience), and so it's easy to guess what was splattered all over The Apple auditorium's seats and floor.

Now, The Apple showed the straight classics from the Golden Age of Porn. Not poorly projected video that is somewhat blurry and slightly out of focus, but theatrical 35mm film. Of course, by the time I saw the movies, the prints were fairly old, full of splices, scared by scratches and often featured unfortunate sound. But the large screen made the picture clear and distinct, and every hair and mole somehow became glamorous. The still pictures I've included here are all from films I enjoyed at The Apple Theatre.

You may be wondering if I ever witnessed guys having sex in the worn seats around me during the movie. Frankly, the answer is "usually." It was one of those places. Even between features, the lights were never turned on (I'm not even sure there were lights to turn on). You just sat in complete darkness waiting for the next Vanessa Del Rio and Paul Thomas (or whoever) movie. And so, gay guys like me who love straight porn attended, as well as young frat guys who discovered all too quickly they had wandered into the wrong theatre, joined by what seemed like a lot of married men looking for a blow-job from a guy, but who were too nervous to hit a bath house. Needless to say, things happened.

Taking a leak was also kind of an adventure; A large cold, cement prison-like room behind the screen, there was always someone waiting to hook-up. But the lights were on back there, and you could at least see whoever was putting the moves on you (as well as a clear view of their cock.) Unfortunately it was also where the dilapidated theatre seats, broken marquee letters, and general garbage was stored, and the piles were frightening merely because of sheer volume.

I know I've made The Apple sound awful, but I loved the place, because it was there I was able to see some great old porn flicks the way they were intended to be seen: on the big screen. Sure, I sat through a lot of instantly forgettable films with instantly forgettable titles, starring instantly forgettable "actors." But I also got to see the amazing Taboo, the classic Jack and Jill with Jack Wrangler and Samantha Fox, and the stunningly hot 1001 Erotic Nights Part Two starring Francois Papillon and Jamie Gillis. It was where I watched Mike Ranger, Young Tom Byron, Hershel Savage, Jerry Butler and Harry Reems fuck Sharon Mitchell, Veronica Hart, Nina Hartley, Marilyn Chambers and Seka. It was a communal experience you simply don't get alone at home with a remote in your left hand. Like the legitimate theatre, the cinema and, yes, even the church, sitting in an audience with a group of people, no matter what they're actually doing, makes the experience somehow more important. And certainly more memorable.

Besides, I like jacking-off in public.


Sunday, November 13, 2005

 

Renting My Breast

So, I'm just wondering, where do you rent adult DVDs and video tapes? I patronize a small locally owned porn shop, as well as a Castle Superstore in the city where I live. There are other porn shops here of course, but these two places offer the best selection and the lowest rental prices. Unfortunately, both establishments are quite a drive from down town, where I reside. But I guess I shouldn't complain, I'm lucky. There are small towns in America where you simply cannot find wackers to rent at all.

It's becoming more and more difficult to find those few businesses that allow you to check out an adult film for the weekend. Just a few years ago, as the Religious Right Wackos began taking over and disrupting the American way of life, standard video rental outlets like Blockbuster, Premiere and Hollywood Video stopped offering porn. Remember not so long ago when you would head to the video store, pick up a thriller, a comedy, maybe something for the kids, and then select a couple jack-off flicks for later on Saturday night? Those days are over. The corporations have bowed to the conservative Culture Nazis, those righteous few who feel the need to control what you and I can and cannot watch in the privacy of our own homes.

Pornography is a multi-million dollar industry just in the US alone, so why were these companies so easily persuaded to give up this income? Frankly, I have no idea. Did they really feel that any adverse publicity supplied by The Picketing Hypocrites would hurt the entire video rental business? Apparently they did, the warning signs announcing the adult section (no one under 18 permitted) disappeared relatively quickly over the course of two or three years.

Even small "mom and pop" grocery stores and 7-11 type convenience stores that feature video rentals have discontinued offering stroke flicks. Is there any corporation in America today (other than cable networks and major hotel chains) that condone and allow adult films in their rental racks? None that I know of.

The city where I live decided to take this affront to the First Amendment a step further. Five or six years ago, the City Council passed a law declaring adult boutiques could not be within 5,000 yards (or some absurdly lengthy distance like that) of any school or place of worship. Within the city limits, that leaves three small approximately two or three block areas for these businesses to survive. Why do the City Council and the Religious Fundamental Extremists want to prevent legal commerce, stopping tax revenue from coming into the government coffers?

It seems to me America was built on capitalism, and if these businesses thrive, then that's an indication there's an audience for this kind of product. Needless to say, I don't condone child porn; of course I believe it should be illegal. But is it really so important to The Right that we don't watch consenting adults doing whatever they want to do with each other? Well, yes, I suppose it is. I guess we've always known that. It's just as important to them to know what we're viewing as it is that they know what we're doing. I mean, after all, according to them remember, homosexuals shouldn't marry. And, they believe, no one should worship in any way other than how they worship their "Christian God."

I'm grateful for the internet, that's all I have to say. You can download, rent and buy anything you want at any hour of the day or night. You can even purchase things from other parts of the world, things you'd never be able to find in any video outlet anywhere in the US. Boy, that must send our Bigoted Big Brothers (in the 1984 sense) right over the edge.

Okay, Okay, I'll end the political diatribe now. Let's get back to jacking-off to hot, open-minded people doing really nasty things to each other. If we can find some place to rent it.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

 

Guys Gone Wild

Oh, dear, here's another disappointing one.

My room mate celebrated a birthday recently and received two of the Guys Gone Wild DVDs. The male off-shoot of the wildly popular "As Seen On TV" Girls Gone Wild series, this is not the best stroking material you'll ever have the opportunity to rent. These are basically soft-core versions of Sean Cody or Dirk Yates videos, and not nearly as successful.


A couple of scantily clad young female film-makers hit the Spring Break hot spots finding muscular and usually drunk young studs who agree to take their shirts off, expose and shake their asses, and maybe, maybe, allow us to see their cocks. A couple even go so far as to take a shower for the camera. All the boys are really, really hot, but none of them ever develop a hard-on, nor do they touch either the women or each other. I mean, come on, let's face it, maybe straight men find shirtless women showing their tits hot, but guys with their shirts off, and rarely going much further gets a little tedious after thirty or forty minutes.


Now admittedly, in Spring Break, the DVD I watched last night, the first guy is stupendously hung, sporting a larger dick than I've seen for a long time, either on video, the internet, or most tragically, in real life. But after you've seen this gigantic (albeit relentlessly soft) cock, that's it. No one hotter or larger ever shows up during the rest of the DVD. No special features are included, and the running time is not quite ninety minutes.



God bless the ambitious young women who decided to put these films together, it's a terrific idea, but I wish they had gone to film school first. The picture often distractingly shakes, guys take off their pants or whip out their cocks while the camera stays firmly focused on the their faces, and the image is often shockingly over-exposed.

To sum up, I started watching Guys Gone Wild "Spring Break" with a hard-on and was flaccid fifteen minutes into it. And I fast-forwarded through more than ninety percent of the video. Good concept, poor execution. Oh, well.


Friday, November 11, 2005

 

The Other Hollywood

Remember when you were in High School and had to sit through boring history classes? It's certainly vivid in my memory. Odd then, isn't it, that today history fascinates me? I guess it was the way my worn-out teachers presented the historical material.

I thought about those classes as I finished reading The Other Hollywood; An Uncensored Oral History of the Porn Film Industry this past weekend. Written, or rather compiled, by Legs McNeil and Jennifer Osbourne, the book covers 1950 to the present. Only the straight porn industry is examined, although the authors state in the introduction that they're considering writing a sequel dealing with gay porn. The book contains no narrative, but is composed entirely of quotes by the major players of the history of porn. Don't be confused, those major players are not just sex stars, directors and producers (although you do hear a fair amount from Ron Jeremy, Sharon Mitchell, Tom Bryon, Henri Pachard and Linda Lovelace), but also includes vice cops, prosecutors, and a whole lot of newspaper articles.

Covering the birth of the stag film through the explosion of AIDS and gonzo video, the book is an examination of porn as a social phenomenon. From 8mm loops clandestinely purchased wrapped in brown paper through mail order, to Deep Throat's ground-breaking critical and financial success, to the proliferation of peep booths and adult theatres, to the emergence of video and the outbreak of HIV, the book studies how pornography affected politics, law, and even romantic love in America.

I expected the book to detail casting, production, and distribution, and was hoping for a little gossip, but it doesn't deliver much in these areas. Instead we get the same old take we've heard before, the same old re-tread material that pops up on Nightline and Newsweek every couple of years; Lovelace forced to film Deep Throat (Come on, do any of us really believe that?), John Holmes and the Wonderland Murders, the FBI's MIPORN sting and subsequent trials, Marc Wallace spreading HIV to several co-stars, not to mention a whole slew of overdoses, rapes, suicides and a lot of disgruntled and complaining co-workers. You've heard or read all this before, and at 590 pages The Other Hollywood is kind of a long slog.

This book shouldn't even be used in a High School History of Porn class. It would put students to sleep as quickly as a thick tome about the lesser aborted battles of the War of 1812. Take a pass on this one.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

 

The Rubber Game of the Match

I've been thinking lately about the use of the "raincoat" in modern porn.

When the AIDS epidemic hit some time around 1980, condoms suddenly started to be widely used in adult videos and films. In gay porn they were standard, but they also appeared regularly in straight dirty movies. This was, of course, the wise route to take. No one should have gambled with their lives, not for a largely disposable entertainment form, no matter how much we all love it.

Since then, we've learned a lot about HIV and AIDS, and this knowledge allows some control over its spread. We also have (Thank God) new drugs that extend and improve the lives of people living with the disease. Because of all this, most straight videos produced today don't use condoms. And there are even a few gay production companies that have done away with them entirely. Bare-backing, cum-eating and cream-pies films are a profitable sub-genre fetish cottage industry.

As much as I believe in safe sex, a practice I always use in my own sex life, I have to admit, with shame (kinda), rubbers in stroke-films are a huge turn-off to me. Sex flicks are all about fantasy, and, frankly, condoms aren't involved in any of my fantasies. In addition, I love videos with strong plots, and particularity ones with period settings. But it annoys me when the sets and costumes are period perfect, and out of nowhere a cowboy or a gladiator or a Revolutionary War hero, about to fuck, suddenly has a rubber covering his cock. I'm popped right out of the moment. And by the moment, I mean the fantasy.

Do I believe porn stars should risk their lives just so I can more fully enjoy pleasuring myself? No, of course not. But I also know that the workers in the sex industry are tested quite regularly and openly share the results with each other. The number of HIV cases in straight porn (where condoms are now rarely used) are historically quite limited. Sure, it occurs occasionally, but it's extraordinarily rare.

So, there it is. I want nasty porn. I like to see the cock sticking in -- whatever it's sticking in -- bare and natural. And the cum in the mouth, I like that too. Okay, maybe it's a kink, but it's my kink, something I'm really into. And as long as no one is getting hurt, I'm going to keep jacking-off to it.

Friday, November 04, 2005

 

Last Night's Pro Am

I found one I liked!!!!! In an earlier posting I mentioned I wanted to find amateur straight porn featuring amateur guys instead of the standard porn stars. I watched a video last night that fullfilled all my expectations. It's called Military Sex Maneuvers from The Body Shoppe Productions. It features hot straight marines, navy boys and army grunts having sex with (not very attractive) young ladies.

A couple of the guys seemed a little uncomfortable being filmed having sex, but most of them go for it with unbridled passion. A majority of the scenes include more than one guy (some scenes feature up to four or five guys on one woman.) For some reason military guys are comfortable being naked with hard-ons, fucking in front of each other. They even happily watch each other shoot big loads of hot, salty cum, and then high-five.

Obviously, this is all produced with a gay male audience in mind, and that's just fine with me. I'm just thrilled to have found it. I'll be looking for more of these videos, I promise you.

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